so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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