There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
