Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
