dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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