literally had 100 drinks last night.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
