I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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