today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
