I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
