Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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