At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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