that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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