He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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