The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
