great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize