She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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