Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
