Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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