Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
