Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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