i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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