All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
