i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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