im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
