True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
