dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
