I think I won the penis lottery.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
