Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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