ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
