I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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