sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
