1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
