shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
