how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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