it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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