Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
