My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
