i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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