I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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