whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
