my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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