A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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