just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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