It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
