my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There are leaves in my underwear?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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