Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
