Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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