Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
