At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
