Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
