I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
