I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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