May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
