Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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