Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
