seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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