It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
