I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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