FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
