The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you win again, gameday.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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