wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
