my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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