I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
