you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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