Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Small penises have feelings too.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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