I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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