I want to have your abortion
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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