Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
