I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
