whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
